Make You Cringe?

I guess there are certain things in life that make people cringe... nails on a chalkboard, smacking gum, slurping soup... blah, blah, blah. Sure, there are those things. But some things I think make a mother cringe. I'm not talking about the heart-stopping moments like when you hear tires screech or the head-hitting-the-floor thud that comes from the other room. Those are an entirely different story altogether. I think as mothers we reach a certain point when our babies start to grow and sleep through the night... we reach the point where a full night of sleep is one of the things we cherish. So, while we may still keep that monitor on until our kid reaches the age of 18 (ha ha ha ha), we secretly hope to never hear a peep from them until the sun comes up. So, I think we (at least me) cringe when we do hear the cry or whine that creeps from the monitor at 3am.



Last night I was visited by that creeping cry/whine at 1130pm and 430am. How lucky I could be to get that visit two times in one night... one from each child!! Sure, I'm being sarcastic, but on normal days I would be cringing at the mere thought of having to wake from a deep, much needed slumber to attend to something that could most likely wait until morning.



As I said, I would cringe on any normal day. I guess yesterday was only partly normal. I DID cringe at 1130 and then again at 430. So what made it not-so-normal? I'm not sure. All I do know is that when I went to check on Regan at 1130pm she was very hot. She had run a fever all day and didn't nap well. As soon as I walked in the room she stood up for me to pick her up. This is not normal. So I held her and I got her some more medicine. I sat down with her in the rocking chair. I just sat. She squirmed a bit and then gave me her version of 'rock,' which sounded more like 'wha,' but I knew what she meant. Too sweet. We rocked and rocked and rocked and rocked. Regan never sits still long enough for anything, so I soaked in the moment for as long as I could. It didn't take Regan long to settle down and to fall asleep in my arms...something that I'm not sure she has EVER done!!!...so it would have been easy to lie her down and go back to bed. Nope. I sat and relished for as long as I could. There is something about being able to hold a sleeping baby...even when they're not really a baby anymore.



I finally put Regan down...she likes to move a lot when she sleeps and she was not able to do so with me holding her. I could have gone back to bed and gotten more of my much needed sleep, but as I closed Regan's door as quietly as I could, the thought of a baby who WOULD sleep in my arms no matter what crept into my mind...Taytum. Instead of going back to bed I crept into Taytum's room to peek at her sleeping. She was as peaceful as ever. A train wreck would not wake this child, so I knew that me crawling clumsily into the bed tent (the current fascination of the month...a tent that goes over her bed) would not even cause a stir. I climbed under the covers and relished another moment that never seems to come often enough. I have no idea how long I stayed. Did I fall asleep? I don't know. All I know is that I soaked up the deep breathing, the smell of her not-dirty-but-kid-smelling hair and the softness of her skin just as I did when she would let me hold her 24/7.



At 430 the call came again. This time around it was Taytum. She was awake and could not go to sleep. Interesting. What to do? Once again I decided it was time to cherish what I had...time with my child that was uninterrupted. I climbed into her bed with a couple of books. She looked at pictures and quietly turned the pages while I rubbed her back. Again, something about holding a sleeping baby, even if they are no longer a baby.



Was it that it just felt good to be needed? Was it the uninterrupted time... no thinking about dinner or emails or laundry or dishes in the sink? Was it the thought of being a child again myself? Or was it someone, somewhere telling me that even though there are moments in life that make me cringe, there are also bright lights in those moments?